For some people, finding the love of their life and getting married to them is one of the most desired goals in life because fairy tales have made them believe that if you end up with your true love, everything else will fall into place itself. But what they fail to realize is that life is a balance of both happiness and sadness and you have to put in work to ensure there is more joy than sorrows.
You also need to realize that there things through which you attain ultimate happiness and things that can make your life a living hell. Having the ability to be optimistic at all times, having realistic expectations, and having a forgiving nature are some of the traits that you need to possess in order to lead a life that you have always dreamt of living.
A lot of people only expect good things to happen after marriage – these are the people who are more likely to feel devastated if anything at all goes wrong. This is partly because the fairy tale novels they read always started with ‘once upon a time’ and ended with ‘and then they lived happily ever after,’ and that is what they expect real life to look like.
There is no such thing as a ‘happily ever after’ because everyone has arguments with their spouses – they encounter problems that they have to deal with at one point or the other. What ‘happily ever after’ really means is that you remain loyal to each other no matter what life throws your way and find comfort in each other’s company and never consider stepping out of the marriage, even if things are not working out temporarily.
Here are a few pieces of advice that will help you live your ‘happily ever after.’
- Love the Other Person as a Whole
Before you take a decision to make a commitment to someone, first ask yourself: ‘Am I ready to make this commitment?’ and ‘Am I willing to accept the person with all their qualities, as well as their flaws?’ You might find it frustrating that your partner doesn’t feel comfortable around many people or doesn’t know how to cook but once you have made a commitment, accept them for whoever they are and take care of their likes and dislikes instead of expecting everything to change according to your preference. They might change a little after getting married and try to adopt habits that make you happy, or maybe they won’t, but if your expectations do not match reality, chances are you will end up feeling devastated. Here are some of the things that might happen when you expect or force your spouse to change:
- Forcing your partner to change can cause major fights.
- You’d end up hurting his/her self-esteem.
- Distances between the two of you will eventually reach unfixable levels.
So what can you do? Convince yourself that love is all about accepting your partner the way they are and getting the same acceptance in return. Instead of trying to change your spouse, be grateful that you found someone who accepts you for who you are and who accepts all your flaws and return the favor by doing the same for them.
- Get Rid of Your Fairy Tale Mentality
A lot of people believe that after marriage, life resembles the fairy tale novels they read in their childhood or the romantic movies that they watched during their teenage. This is why, when it comes to living a realistic married life, they have a hard time facing the realities of the relationship. If you expect your spouse to love you like in the fairy tales and say all the things you heard in some romantic movie, the odds of you ending up disappointed are pretty high.
Consider having deep talks with your partner about what makes you feel happy and then learn how you can please them as well. Realize that the ‘happily ever after’ version of fairy tales is only fun to watch in the movies but when it comes to living a realistic married life, no such resemblance is found. Also, realize that relationships can only feel magical if you give your best to them and keep in mind the likes and dislikes of your partner instead of expecting everything to work out on its own.
- Make the Relationship Strong by Putting in Immense Effort
Let’s face it – every single couple has to face hardships at some point in their married lives: job loss, a severe illness of some kind, the death of a close family member, the trial of bringing up kids and looking after them, and financial issues to name a few. All of these situations can test your relationship in ways that you cannot imagine but you can get through them by staying patient, determined, and dedicated. This will play an integral role in enabling you to emerge at the other end, stronger than ever. You can, of course, disagree with your spouse at certain points but you need to pick your battles. All in all, work at your relationship every single day to avoid any permanent damage to it.
- Don’t Always Count on Your Spouse for Happiness
After getting married, your expectations from your spouse increase as you start believing that now your partner is responsible for making you happy. There is no denying the fact that being in a relationship with the right person can make you happy, but it can also be a source of sadness. Don’t fool yourself with the idea that now that you are married, it is your partner’s job to keep you happy all the time. Know that you alone are responsible for your happiness and your partner can only play his or her part in enhancing it.
- Ending Note
Being in a relationship is not as easy as it seems – it requires a lot of effort. In order to live you’re happily ever after, make sure that you give your best to the relationship and do everything possible to keep it going. In a nutshell, you need to be ready to deal with any challenges that come your way so that you can live the life of your dreams.
